While most people know that menopause happens when you’ve gone 12 months without a period, perimenopause still feels like a bit of a mystery, doesn’t it? Now that I’ve crossed the proverbial finish line, I’ve been reflecting on my experience of perimenopause and wanted to share some of the things I wish I’d known 10 years ago.

Perimenopause would start in my mid-30s

I was 37 I realized that my sleep changes, mood swings, heavy periods and body changes weren't because of motherhood and life. They were happening because of perimenopause. Like so many other women I know and work with, I assumed I was “too young” for perimenopause. Most people will go through perimenopause in their 40s, but up to 20% will meet the criteria for perimenopause by the time they turn 40.

Menopause before the age of 45 is called early menopause. Menopause before the age of 40 is called premature menopause.
A spontaneous (natural) early menopause affects approximately 5% of the population before the age of 45.

If you’re not sure what to expect in perimenopause, grab my perimenopause workbook that comes with a symptom checklist, along with some of my favourite recipes.

My worst symptoms would happen before I missed a period

These were the hardest years for so many reasons. And they would have been so much harder if I hadn't known it was perimenopause and was still wondering "what was wrong with me" every day. Don’t be misled into believing that you can’t be in perimenopause until you miss a period. Perimenopause is a clinical diagnosis that takes your age, symptoms and family history into account. Check out Part 1 and Part 2 of my “Hormone Soup’ episodes on The Midlife Feast podcast for more info about what to expect in these early stages.

Fun fact: your cycles are likely to get shorter (meaning you’ll get a period more often) before you start skipping periods.

It would get better

The last 6 months before my last menstrual period was by far the "easiest" of the past decade. Without a monthly cycle, I no longer experienced the awful PMS, heavy periods and other symptoms that came with perimenopause. And my sleep, brain fog, and even my mood greatly improved. While much of the mainstream media focuses on hot flashes and weight gain with perimenopause, it’s the mood changes that really impacted my quality of life.

I’m sure that not losing blood (and iron) every month played a big part in this as well as the symptoms of iron deficiency often overlap with perimenopause. And as I discussed on this episode with MaryAnn Jacobsen RD, you can feel the effects of iron deficiency even if you’re not technically anemic.

Hormones would make me feel worse

Oh, how I desperately wanted hormones to work…but they didn't. And that's ok.

I tried various herbs, supplements, patches, pills, and creams. They all predictably led to me feeling more sad, anxious, and depressed. Some people are "hormone-sensitive" and feel worse, instead of better, with hormone therapy. And it's more common than you'd think, as Amanda Thebe and I shared in this episode.

But that’s not to say you shouldn’t try HRT, as many women describe it as life-changing. And as I’ve discussed on the podcast many times with a number of guests, it is safe for most women.

Food could bring some relief

When I realized that hormones weren't for me shortly after turning 40, I turned to phytoestrogens to help with my hot flashes and night sweats. Thankfully, deciding to add-in soy, flax, beans and lentils regularly was a game-changer.

What are phystoestrogens and how to they work? Phytoestrogens are found in all plants, but are most concentrated in soy, flax and other beans/lentils. They’re unique ability to weakly bind to our estrogen receptors is what helps some women manage the symptoms of menopause. For lots more info on phytoestrogen and how to cook with them, tune into this episode with menopause chef, Fiona Staunton.

Restrictive diets wouldn't be the answer to body changes

When my body started changing in my mid-30s, I started to panic. And like so many others, I was willing to try and do "anything" that promised to stop what felt like a runaway train. But restriction only made everything worse, including my perimenopausal symptoms. I share more of my story here, including the reasons why diets like keto are not the best choice for women in midlife.

But, I also want people to know that I “get it”. It’s not easy to make peace with your midlife changing body…let alone stop “trying” to lose weight. Consider this for a moment…what if your weight-loss goals were keeping you from what you really wanted?

It’s not all bad!

As I found relief for my symptoms and learned to lean into the changes that were happening, I found myself with renewed creativity, crystal-clear clarity and zero tolerance for bullshit. And I made it my mission to help other people see that menopause is just the end of your period. It's not the end of you.

It's possible to thrive

Even if you're still struggling to recognize who you see in the mirror, feel like you're broken, or can't imagine looking forward to any part of midlife....I want you to know that the best is yet to come.