How a focus on “flattering” prevents you from discovering your authentic personal style

This is a guest post by Dacy Gillespie and is part of my 2022 Non-Diet Resolution Challenge. If you’re reading this at any time in January, click this link to sign up and join us! It’s never too late and I’m always happy to have you. You can also listen to the bonus podcast episode here.

DEFINING YOUR PERSONAL STYLE

Let’s start by talking about how you go about defining your personal style. My advice is to start with inspiration. Collect images you’re drawn to, look for themes among them, break down how to create something similar, and try it out. Pay attention to how you feel and how your body feels. You end up with a style that represents your aesthetic sensibility and feels good on your body.

Now let’s go through that process again, but with the starting point of only selecting inspiration that you’ve been told by an “expert” that’s “flattering” for your body. (A small pause here to break down this concept of flattering. In the most common sense of the word, something that’s flattering means something that makes your body appear as small as possible. In this sense, the whole concept of flattering is fatphobic because it places a higher value on appearing smaller. In addition, who gets to decide what’s flattering? Often patriarchal ideals meant to objectify women and please the male gaze.)

You try to find images that you’re drawn to for inspiration, but you reject many of the things you come across because they wouldn’t flatter your body. What are you going to miss out on with that approach? What arbitrary messages are you going to reinforce? Where is your opinion in all of this? What about what you like?
What if you have bigger hips in relation to your shoulders and upper body? In conventional wardrobe advice, this would classify you as “pear-shaped” and many would say that your most flattering silhouette is a high-waisted full skirt or dress. But what if your personal style is not girly or retro or overly feminine? If you prioritize flattering over your personal preferences, you’ll end up wearing things that don’t feel like you.
What if you love flowy bohemian styles, but you’ve been told your body would appear larger in (or drown in, I’ve heard both) those styles? Do you resign yourself to wearing things you don’t love because they’re more flattering?

When you censor yourself from taking in inspiration that isn’t meant for your body, you prevent yourself from exploring styles that you might love. You go through life thinking there are certain items and styles that you’re excluded from. None of that is true. You get to decide what you love and want to wear.

Here are a few affirmations you can say to yourself to overcome the need to wear flattering clothes:

I choose to wear this garment because it expresses my style even if it doesn’t show the smallest part of my body

This may not be the most conventionally flattering item on me, but it makes me feel like *me*, it’s comfortable, and my body feels good in it.

This clothing item expresses my personal style and that is more important to me than appearing as small as possible to others.

I choose to prioritize my own expression and comfort over what society has dictated I should wear.

Have you kept yourself from discovering your personal style by excluding certain items because of your body? What clothing items are you holding onto because you’ve been told they’re flattering even though they don’t express your personal style? Click here to take Dacy’s personal style quiz!

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